*THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY*

Wow! Today started off rather fast and I found myself racing to beat the clock to 9am. Kyle was pumped up and ready to go to youth camp with the rest of the Army Of One campers. I was wanting to be there a little before 9 but that being on time thingy , doesn't that only happens in the world of make believe or dreams? LOL Well come to find out the arrival time was 9:30 and takeoff was at 10, all of a sudden I found myself being able to breathe, or at least breathe a little easier... until I am reminded that I have Kris and Katie with me. Being that Kris has Autism/Asperger's Syndrome/PDD/ADHD/ODD, (PDD is also another form of Autism) I thought just maybe that he would be alright until I got to see Kyle leave for camp. NOT SO! It completely sent him into a tail spin, he was totally out of his element and I am almost sure that everyone there most likely noticed it. There are so many different forms of Autism and Kris happens to have the high functioning form. He is verbal and does speak clearly, but sometimes he says things just because he has heard them before but he has no idea what he's said. Also his Perceptual Language has always been a problem. (what you say to him is so often not comprehended and what he says doesn't always make sense) He has difficulty expressing himself appropriately and gets upset when misunderstood! He has always lacked social, emotional, self help and behavior skills. People aren't always understanding to him and they think that he is a really bad boy. (and yes I have been told that) I have been told to keep my child on a leash or in a cage to teach him right and wrong. At first it was so hard to take the stares, whispers and rude comments, but I soon came to figure out that it was because people were uneducated and the negativity was their way of" if you will"- dealing with it. Over the past 9 years through all the poems and songs I have penned, it has always been difficult for me to put into words this child of mine that I see everyday struggle so hard to just fit in and be accepted. A few months back the words that I have wanted to say for years just came to me from out of the blue. I have titled this poem "MY SPECIAL GIFT"

Let me tell you of my son named Kristofer,
he has 1 big brother and 1 little sister.
He was born a very healthy baby boy,
the first time I held him I felt such joy!
Something went wrong when he was two,
sometimes I was confused at what to do.
Many times his eyes just held blank stares,
I wondered if he was really even there.
He was often off in a world all of his own,
I was so clueless as to what was wrong.
The world where we live is so big and bright
but his world exist of only black and white.
At times he can't say what's on his mind,
searches for the words,yet he cannot find.
We have some good days but they are so few,
I'd get overwhelmed not knowing what to do.
There's so many things he just wants to say,
but I know that his words just get in the way.
I see the very bright little boy that I have,
as so misunderstood and even called bad.
In his own time-I might get a kiss or hug,
it's difficult for him to know and accept love.
Almost everywhere we go we do find,
that people can be so cruel and unkind.
The careless whispers and pointing fingers,
leave painful memories that always linger.
I'm used to all the comments and stares,
since they seem to follow us everywhere.
He's always left out when it's time to play,
he asks me-"why do I have to be this way,
please Mama, can you make this all go away,
I don't want to be Autistic anymore and just
please turn me back to the way I was before"?
Sometimes I really want to take his place,
I try to hold him and make him feel safe.
Although he don't think like we all do,
he's a real person with real feeling too.
I believe a cure will be found here one day,
until then I'll be thankful, trust and pray.
You see I love my son that many think is odd,
he is my special gift sent to me from God.

Written By: Leslie Holloway
March 21, 2007

P.S. I apologize for the long blog... Blessings To All! Leslie