*BITS & PIECES FROM ALIVE 07*

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FESTIVAL 2007

Seems like it's been forever since I've last posted, but I took a short, much needed vacation and since my kids are with their dad until this coming Friday...this post will explain my absenteeism. (that sounds so not like a word, but it didn't fall under the spell check, lol) Wow! That is a word that I used quite often this past week! I went to my first ever ALIVE Festival! It was not only the first time to hear and see so many wonderful speakers, singers, talent and true worship... but it was a first for me to go camping. OK, don't start laughing! LOL I just have never been camping in my entire life and I will have to say that I really enjoyed it!!! There was so many bands that I have only heard the names of and I was so impressed with them after it was their time to shine, that I left ALIVE feeing just that... ALIVE!!! I can really say that I believe Chris Tomlin writes his songs from daily having a personal relationship with God! He blew me away with his heart for worship and his sincere desire to lead others to Christ! Another group that I felt was truly sincere was a very young group called Leeland. This is a group that I had heard a lot about, but I had never knew or didn't think that I knew any of their music. I guess I knew one, just never connected the song with the band. Anyways, the lead singer is another that has a heart for the unchurched and lost! He told of the opportunity he had to share the gospel with a much older man (in his 50's or 60's) that eventually came to know Christ, and Leeland said that he never dreamed that a 19 year old would have that impact on a much older man, but it proves that Jesus can work wonders through us no matter what the age may be, as long as we are the willing vessels! His testimony is fabulous and he is only 19... I cannot wait for more to come from this young worship group! Barlow Girl's testimony was absolutely sensational... their heart for reaching out to young girls (and older) teaching the importance of modesty and that purity is worth the wait and it's okay not to date since God already has someone out there for everyone, we just need to let it be in God's time and up to Him when it happens. There was just so many awesome groups and speakers that I could of sat for hours and listened to. Speakers that I would recommend were Crystal Miller (survivor from the Columbine shootings), David Nassar (former Middle East resident with a WOW! testimony) and James Ryle ( former prison inmate). I know there were a lot more, these are just a few that stood out to me.

I apologize for this messed up blog, but I just cannot figure out how to stack the pics and post beside it so that it don't take up so much wasted space... it just wouldn't work for me no matter what way I tried to align it. I guess I need to take some lessons in computers? Anyways, this is what has been happening in my neck of the woods, let me know about yours! God Bless! Leslie

*HEAVY HEART*

In the past 2 days I have found myself very overwhelmed and emotional! I just haven't been able to bring myself to post for the past few days because rather than say a lot of things that may or may not make sense, I've also not been able to put into words what I want to say. (sometimes this ADD thing can be so annoying)

My kids left today for a 2 week vacation with their Dad and I will get to see them since they will also be at the Alive concert that I am attending for my very first time. I have never been away from my kids for that length of time and I guess that would have to play a part in my saddened state of mind. (Except for Kyle when my dad took him down south with him)

Most of you probably already know that my Dad is in his final days of life after battling cancer since 2000. I did get to talk to him yesterday and he sounded better than he had a few days before that... but I guess I know that it won't be much longer, and even though I know, somehow it hadn't registered till yesterday about how soon that I will be getting that phone call that no one wants to hear! My Mom belongs to a website that allows family and friends to stay in contact during a real crucial time in someone's life. The name of the site is www.caringbridge.com It has helped keep our family and friends updated on what has been going on. I sat down tonight with a heavy heart and started to check my email and found that my mom had updated with a new post. Mom wrote that her and Dad are requesting our prayers because Dad is showing more signs and symptoms of going home to Heaven. She also says that in the past week he is steadily loosing strength and weight, has no appetite and there has been a major decline in his health. He can no longer tinker with his hobbies- tractors. Moms work has allowed her to work from home and have supplied her with the means to do so because Dad isn't well enough to be left alone.

The questions that I keep asking God is how? How do you I find comfort in times of great overwhelming sadness and grief? Why do people that we love and care about have to leave? Why did this have to happen to my Dad or anyones Dad or loved one? I guess that we will never know that answer. I keep reliving my childhood and I find myself being taken back for some unknown reason... asking myself if I was a daughter that he was proud of? Does this happen with everyone in this situation? I keep feeling waves of regrets... about how I should of done this or that a little more, and I guess that is where I am taking a beating at the present time. I'm also feeling guilty because I wanted to fly down with my sisters to spend time with him, but the tickets are outrageous and I just don't have that kind of cash! Even though I tell my Dad that I love him, I really do and I pray that he never had to question the depth of my love or how I looked up to him! I pray that he knew I did! I will say that the devil does see this as a weak moment in these times of our life and he is so ever ready to pounce on us when we are at our lowest.


My prayer tonight is that you will remember my Dad in his final days of life and that somehow he will feel the arms of Jesus and his pain will be tolerable... and for the rest of the family and my mom that she will find strength in God as well until we are all able to get down to Florida to be with her.
I Love You Dad!

*A BIT OF HAPPY REMINISCING*

As I sat here this evening knowing what I wanted to blog about, the words just weren't coming to me that easy. So I started thinking about my kids and how they're growing up so fast and that sometimes they just know where, when and how to embarrass us when we least expect it! While I'm sitting here thinking, I am reminded of something that my daughter Katie now 8, so innocently said to me after bringing me a paper from her backpack. (was in kindergarten I believe) She said, Mama, I have a paper for you, will you read it? I said sure sweetie... so I sat down and I started reading it to myself like I usually do to know what I was reading before I would read something out loud to my kids. Well all of a sudden she kept putting her head/ear really close to me and I could hear her getting a little more agitated with each time she did this over again. Finally after about 5-7 times of her repeating this I said Katie, what in the world are you doing? Please let me finish reading this paper that you wanted me to read and then I'll give you some attention. And she said, well Mama I wanted you to read it to me and since you were reading it to yourself I was trying to see if I could listen to inside your head so I could hear what your head is saying about my paper. LOL That was all I needed for that day! I never would of thought that she would say that.... but it's true they will say the darnedest things when you least expect it. They may be ornery, tucker us out, and make us go gray, but I wouldn't want them any other way! I love to reminisce on the past experiences and events with my kids and when they also remember it, it makes it that much more memorable! It's fun to watch them grow up and develope into their own individual person, but it is also hard knowing that they don't stay little long. Gotta Love Em!!!

*HOW CLEARLY DO WE SEE?*

We were sitting in the doctors office waiting my my step-dad to finish and Kristofer and I were taking a few pictures of his eyes so that I could share and keep you updated. It will be 3 weeks Thursday since his second surgery, they don't bother him anymore but they still look pretty bad. Only time will tell if they will actually start working together for the first time. (It's in God's Hands) He keeps asking me why God had to give him eyes that don't work and that God must not like him since he gave him broken eyes. He doesn't always comprehend why or the answers I've tried to explain to him, so I told him that many people have things with their bodies that don't work the way they should for them and they matter to Jesus just as much as the people that were born with nothing wrong. I told him that Jesus loves him just the way he is no matter if his eyes work or not. This world can be so cruel and especially to how our children understand it to be. We will never quite measure up in the eyes of others. I guess there's been times in my own personal life I have felt that I fell short of deserving God's love or even acceptance from others...until I came to understand, that when I focused on what mattered most, I was able to clearly see that Jesus Loves me just the way I am and no matter if I trip and fall short, do wrong or how inadequate I might feel at times... He wouldn't love me any less! I pray that I measure up when God is adding up my score! Blessings To All!

*EVER HAVE ONE OF THESE DAYS*

Is this ever how some of you other moms out there think you might look or feel at times? Believe me, I sometimes can identify!!! Scary sight I know... and it also gives a whole new meaning to "having a bad hair day"! (I wonder why, LOL) I was thinking over todays events and it's funny because not only am I too young to be this forgetful, but I actually am having the hardest time remembering anything about it. So I came downstairs to clean my computer room, check emails, try to free up some space on my computer, (just might need to free up some space in my mind?) and do some browsing then I remembered I haven't posted a blog since Saturday. Well anyways before I remembered that I hadn't blogged in a couple days, I came across tons of pictures on my computer I didn't even know I had. Have any of you ever found something that you didn't know you had or was lost? (I love finding money in an old coat pocket or purse that was switched to match a different outfit) How they got saved there is beyond me and some have been on there according to the date, for 2 years. Now since I had a hard time remembering what I did today, (after sitting here a bit, I finally remembered) how fast paced it was and still trying to get ready for a big yard sale...I came across this picture and it kind of sums up how I felt today and how I know I must have looked last Friday when Kris was having his "Moments". Anyways, this pic did give me a few laughs and gave me a mental picture of myself that I really wouldn't want anyone or myself to ever see. LOL Now I'm off to try to catch some much needed ZZZZZ's Blessings to all!
P.S. Thanks to all for taking the time to read my blogs, I enjoy reading others as well ... this is a lot of fun and it's another relaxing downtime for me!

*DINNER AND A MOVIE*

Ok, so I have been thinking for the past several weeks now that when my kids are with their dad on the weekends, I should do something for myself... well at least once in awhile! (I miss them and I'm usually at home every weekend their gone) After weeks of trying to figure out what to do, I finally decided that ever since I saw "Wild Hogs" was first advertised I have wanted to see it and I finally decided to "just do it." So my mom asked me to come over for dinner (yes it was my mom I had my date with,"if you will") and then off to the Quaker we went. Aside from the sexual comments and cursing, it was a pretty funny flick, with a lot of funny happenings. My kids have been wanting to see it too and I am glad I didn't take them because I think it had too much adult content for them. Sometimes I wish they would just make movies without foul language in it at all. The night Tim Hawkins came to NewPointe, we were doubled over with laughter... and he brought good clean materials to share. Thanks Tim! I can't wait till he comes back! I just wish that we could have more movies with little or no inappropriate content. Katie has been wanting to see the movie about a mouse that starts with the letter R... I can say it, just can't remember how to spell it. LOL Tomorrow Kyle comes home from Church Camp and I pick the other two up from their dads. And then we start it all over again come Monday morning. :-) I am still trying to get ready for my much overdue yard sale...I might have more gray hairs, but it would be over with and who's counting anyways? LOL Not much else happening in my neck of the wood, what about yours? Blessings, Leslie

*MAKING SOME CHANGES*

Just a real quick update. I have changed the name of my blog. It is now MUSIC FROM THE HEART.. it was SINGING LIKE NOBODY'S LISTENING. I had some time to work with it and now I just need to get it designed... which might take like forever! Anyways, I hope you all have a gr8 weekend! Blessings, Leslie :-)

*THANK GOODNESS IT'S FRIDAY*

Wow! Today started off rather fast and I found myself racing to beat the clock to 9am. Kyle was pumped up and ready to go to youth camp with the rest of the Army Of One campers. I was wanting to be there a little before 9 but that being on time thingy , doesn't that only happens in the world of make believe or dreams? LOL Well come to find out the arrival time was 9:30 and takeoff was at 10, all of a sudden I found myself being able to breathe, or at least breathe a little easier... until I am reminded that I have Kris and Katie with me. Being that Kris has Autism/Asperger's Syndrome/PDD/ADHD/ODD, (PDD is also another form of Autism) I thought just maybe that he would be alright until I got to see Kyle leave for camp. NOT SO! It completely sent him into a tail spin, he was totally out of his element and I am almost sure that everyone there most likely noticed it. There are so many different forms of Autism and Kris happens to have the high functioning form. He is verbal and does speak clearly, but sometimes he says things just because he has heard them before but he has no idea what he's said. Also his Perceptual Language has always been a problem. (what you say to him is so often not comprehended and what he says doesn't always make sense) He has difficulty expressing himself appropriately and gets upset when misunderstood! He has always lacked social, emotional, self help and behavior skills. People aren't always understanding to him and they think that he is a really bad boy. (and yes I have been told that) I have been told to keep my child on a leash or in a cage to teach him right and wrong. At first it was so hard to take the stares, whispers and rude comments, but I soon came to figure out that it was because people were uneducated and the negativity was their way of" if you will"- dealing with it. Over the past 9 years through all the poems and songs I have penned, it has always been difficult for me to put into words this child of mine that I see everyday struggle so hard to just fit in and be accepted. A few months back the words that I have wanted to say for years just came to me from out of the blue. I have titled this poem "MY SPECIAL GIFT"

Let me tell you of my son named Kristofer,
he has 1 big brother and 1 little sister.
He was born a very healthy baby boy,
the first time I held him I felt such joy!
Something went wrong when he was two,
sometimes I was confused at what to do.
Many times his eyes just held blank stares,
I wondered if he was really even there.
He was often off in a world all of his own,
I was so clueless as to what was wrong.
The world where we live is so big and bright
but his world exist of only black and white.
At times he can't say what's on his mind,
searches for the words,yet he cannot find.
We have some good days but they are so few,
I'd get overwhelmed not knowing what to do.
There's so many things he just wants to say,
but I know that his words just get in the way.
I see the very bright little boy that I have,
as so misunderstood and even called bad.
In his own time-I might get a kiss or hug,
it's difficult for him to know and accept love.
Almost everywhere we go we do find,
that people can be so cruel and unkind.
The careless whispers and pointing fingers,
leave painful memories that always linger.
I'm used to all the comments and stares,
since they seem to follow us everywhere.
He's always left out when it's time to play,
he asks me-"why do I have to be this way,
please Mama, can you make this all go away,
I don't want to be Autistic anymore and just
please turn me back to the way I was before"?
Sometimes I really want to take his place,
I try to hold him and make him feel safe.
Although he don't think like we all do,
he's a real person with real feeling too.
I believe a cure will be found here one day,
until then I'll be thankful, trust and pray.
You see I love my son that many think is odd,
he is my special gift sent to me from God.

Written By: Leslie Holloway
March 21, 2007

P.S. I apologize for the long blog... Blessings To All! Leslie

*YA THINK SUMMER'S FINALLY HERE*

The 3 main reasons why I get
up every day! (They are worth it!)




Katie

Kyle

Kris

This trampoline was one of the best investments that I made last summer. They've even tried to sleep out on it, imagine that? We've laid out and watched the stars at night... one move and we all slid to the center. It was
a crazy idea, but we had fun!



I can't believe how fast this school year went. I mean where did the time go? I also keep asking myself if I got everything accomplished that I wanted to during the school year... and I guess NO would be the correct answer! (it didn't take me long to figure that one out) So last Friday I thought- well I am going to let the kids have 1 week of sleeping in till about 9am, (I was really thinking for me at that moment) :-) but sleeping in for my kids is well- not sleeping in at all (7a-8a- if I'm the least bit lucky) so very early in this thinking process that idea got put aside, but I still had high hopes... if you know what I mean? Then to top it all off Kyle, who is now officially a "Freshmen" told me last Friday of all days especially after I had already thought, and I mean just thought- came to me and said, "Oh by the way mom, I start marching band bright and early Monday morning from 8-12... and it is JUST for 1 week and then we will start back up again the end of July. I think that the look on my face must of been priceless, because priceless is just the look he gave me after he finished telling me his "good news" and then my moment of silence that followed. He just couldn't wait till he was able to start marching band. He has talked about it since the 5th grade when he started playing trombone. And yes I felt guilty for just thinking about sleeping in when he was so excited about something he's anticipated for 4 years for to finally arrive. I love U Kyle (if he would see this before I posted it, he'd for sure try to persuade against it) I will post pics with him in his uniform at a later time. I guess I'd better update on Kris and Katie as well. Kristofer is now a 5th grader. It has been 2 weeks today since his corrective eye surgery for Strabismus. (A visual defect in which one eye cannot focus with the other eye on an object because of imbalance of the eye muscles- American Heritage Dictionary.) The surgery went well and the Doc says it will take awhile to fully heal. He isn't in any kind of pain, but it isn't pleasant to look at and you might think otherwise. He will be going back to Camp Nuhop for his 5th summer. (Nuhop Camp for experimental learning and developmental disabilities www.campnuhop.org) I believe he will also be going to Summer camp with the church. As for Katie, she is now a 3rd grader. She is doing better with her Asthma. She just really has to be monitored since she is still learning how to cope and with the warning signs. She too will be going to Summer camp with the church. We are going to try to take a couple road trips to Ronoake Virginia to see my brother and his family and get the cousins together and I would like to go back to Indiana to see one of my old girlfriends. But I really need to finish organizing for my yard sale that I need to have no later than June 28-30. Well in closing I might add that through the hustle of our busy life we have a lot to be thankful for. And I thank God for the 3 children He has entrusted me with and that He allows me to get up each day and choose to serve Him and teach my kids the importance of being a follower of Christ. Have a great day and Blessings to all! Leslie :-)

*Something To Really Think About*

When I stop and really think about the number of people in this world today that suffer daily from depression or feeling inadequate... the statistics are alarming! There has been times in everyones life where we don't feel that were good enough, we don't add up or we give up even before trying. There really are people out there that don't love or care about us, make us feel like we don't add up, or that we will never be good enough. Maybe somewhere in their life there was no one that loved them or tried to make a difference! The world can never give to us what Our Heavenly Father has already given us when He offered up His only Son Jesus! Love! Peace! Freedom! We are human and we do have feelings that get hurt once in awhile, but how we choose to let the ones that hurt us affect our lives is what really matters. I believe that God felt pain when Jesus died to take away any kind of sin or pain we might have. I've personally dwelt with so many different levels of pain in my life that you would think that I could be numb to any kind of feelings. WRONG! The truth is that even though it hurts and at times when I want to throw in the towel and don't want to try something over again... what I decide to do will either make or break me, and I don't have to decide it alone! I am glad that even though I personally have felt great waves of pain my entire life, I believe that God has used it in some way to shape me to who I am today. Sometimes I don't understand how and I don't want to admit at the time that this is part of life, but as time passes I can say that I totally get how and why it happened! God says that He will not put more on us than we can handle and I believe that He knows we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for, otherwise He wouldn't allow us to face the difficult times. I want Him to mold and make me so that my lifesong will sing for Him even if the during my journey I do get a little "broken" up. It makes me think about a line in the song "Better"... but in the end- what leaves you broken- in the end - makes you better! I pray that in the times of my life that I am broken, it will make me better for the cause of Christ! Let's try to make a difference in the life of someone in need!

*What is Rest?*

Okay, so just when I think that I might be on a roll and I think I'm ready to start pricing things for this long anticipated yard sale, I am all to soon brought back to reality and faced with the fact that I am only really just about a 1/4 of the way through all of the things that I thought there was to price or sort through. I just want to take it all and load it up and head off to the local dump or even better yet out to my aunt and uncles and pile it high and then set it ablaze... and if I weren't too awful tired to forget the hotdogs, roasting sticks, buns, condiments and all the other fixin's, we might have us a good old weinee roast! But I can't see that happening anytime soon. Oh well, I am definatly not going to get it done overnight and the next night don't look promising either! So I will just have to be patient and get done what I can.... only so many hours in one day, this was soposed to be done last summer and before I knew it time had gotten away with me yet again. I am gonna stop stressing about it and do what I can... and get some much needed ZZZZZZ's, which sounds like a plan to me! I know that my body and mind might thank me for if I would just let it happen. I want to make sure that my heart and mind is open and rested enough for when God speaks to me and in alone time with Him so with His help I am able to do whatever He has for me to do that day. Tomorrow is another day, I think I will price more then. :-)